Back in the 90s, I would spent about 4 out of 7 nights drunk. The other 3 were what I classified as Peak Nights. More of that in another post.
My urine color was of the same as the Martell or Long Island Tea that I drank on most nights. Didn’t care, hydrated more.
The white of my eyeballs became yellow. Didn’t stop, switched to beer for that time being.
I knew I was sick. More mental than physical. But that did not bother me, because I knew my end state. It was only a matter of when, in one way or another. Morbid, but I accepted.
Turning Point: Some time mid-2006, Morning
While walking towards our car, Moon asked, “Someone banged the rear bumper?”
“See the scratch marks on that pillar?” I pointed.
“That was the paint from our car. Was not concentrating when I reversed.” I continued.
Moon nodded and got into front seat slowly. She was in the 2nd trimester.
While waiting for the engine to warm up, Moon turned to me.
“Love, I was wondering…What should we do when I am about to give birth and you happen to be drunk?”
At least a hundred possible scenarios flashed passed my dehydrated grey-matter. No, the hangover was still there, but my mind was clear.
“I’ll stop drinking henceforth.” I said.
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Slowly, my physical health improved. I got longer attention span and I remembered my everyday better.
There was also more cash in my pocket at the end of each month.
Life became sort of trouble-free. But truth be told, it took me quite a while to wean off my the other addiction…to feel the high when I engaged in fights. I enjoyed the pain of getting hit. I liked seeing slow-mo punches being thrown at me, and the satisfaction of feeling soft cracks upon my knuckles when disabling the attacking human. (Told you I was mentally sick.)
Time with friends did lessened, but in replacement, I spent more time with Moon till the birth of my son. It was also wonderful to be present for my son’s first steps, first words and many of his developmental milestones.
__________
Happy to share that I had been staying sober since 2006.
Till the next post, take good care of yourself.
Namaste 🙂