Passing Clouds

#15 Jen

One of the relationships that compels me to face my ugly younger self. This is our story…

1 Jul 1997, Tornado Disco

“Look! Look!” Mel pointed excitedly toward the entrance.

We turned towards where Mel pointed. A group of three girls and two guys. One girl within them spotted a unique make-up style.

“Wah! Wednesday Addams.” Ryan joked.

We broke into a burst of laughter.

“There’s a name for such make-up. Something that starts with G.” Ocean attempted to recall.

“Gothic, you mean?” Mel said.

“Yah. Gothic.” Ocean nodded.

“Almost right. To be exact, it is call Casual Goth.” I shared.

“Oh…casual goth” they repeated in a low tone.

Though we were back into playing our party game, I couldn’t help looking towards the direction where Wednesday and her friends was seated. It was rare to see such a make-up in Singapore. I brushed the curiosity off my mind. Steady, you are getting married soon. I reminded myself.

Somehow, I realized that Wednesday was staring at me. I must had rested my gaze at her while I was in my own thoughts. By reflex, I smiled back, raised my glass and offered an air toast to her, which she returned in kind.

Damned! Noted to self… stay in the present.

Mel started to tire of our 0-0-7 Bang game, whereby the loser of that round had to pay by taking a sip of alcohol. He then proposed that the next loser would have to, either approach Wednesday or drink up half a glass of Vodka. We accepted the challenge. After three expended bottles, Wednesday was still untouched. We would rather burn our livers than make the approach.

“Let’s pause while I go take a leak.” I said.

While daze-watching my stream of tea-colored pee, a random thought flowed through my mind. I should just make that approach.

Out from the toilet, I walked slowly towards the group. Stopped beside their table, smiled when they looked up, and looked at Wednesday, “Is it easy to draw the curve on the edge of your eyes?”

“More difficult when drawing the left side.” She responded without missing a beat.

Truth be told, I was impressed by her confidence.

“I’ll be damned if I don’t get your name now.” I extended my right.

“Jen.” She smiled and shook my hand.

I turned my attention to the guys, “How should I address you two handsome men?”

They introduced themselves as Nick and Johnson. I eased my butts down with them as I started conversing with the two men.

Nick and Johnson were friendly men and most important of all, I learned through our conversations that Jen was not girlfriend of either of them. They were into the other two girls. Ok, I cannot remember their names.

“Does your boyfriend mind, or say anything about your image?” I asked Jen.

“I’ll let you know when I get attached.” She smiled.

I smiled too. More from within.

“Is your make-up like, waterproof?” I asked.

“Yes. Why?” She said.

“Great. Then let’s dance.” I held her hand and led her onto the dance floor.

After dancing to a few songs, I invited Jen to our seating space. She agreed.

It was amazing to notice how quickly my friends recovered from the slight shock when they saw Jen and I walked in. The guys introduced themselves to Jen and I liked that she warmed up to them quickly.

“We were quite onto you…” My mouth was suddenly covered by Mel’s hand before I could follow up with the sentence.

“He had a drop too much.” Ocean added jokingly, referring to me.

“Cheers everyone!” Mel raised his glass, and we all bottoms up.

The guys continued with the game leaving Jen and I to chat.

“You can complete your sentence now.” Jen said, smiling.

“Damned, was your previous life was an elephant?” I joked.

Jen smiled and slapped lightly onto my arm. “Tell me.”

“Earlier, you caught our attention when you arrived with your friends. It was rare to see unique projection like yours, and I like.” I felt my nose grew an inch.

Jen took in my words with no reaction except for a slight upwards curve on the right corner of her mouth.

“Oh, shall we invite your friends over to join us? There’s more than enough space here.” I asked.

“Think we just let Nick and Johnson have their chances on the girls.” She said.

“Great. Then I can have my chance on you.” I grinned.

Jen gave a light smack on my thigh and looked away. I caught her smile in the process of her turning her head.

During our chat, I learned that Jen was the only child in the family. At 22, she was two years younger than I. Normally, girls younger than I would not be considered, but there was this interesting feeling when I looked into her eyes. It felt so incoherent with her image. I was not able to point out exactly what it was then. I had this want to explore her, and to see her true self.

Oh please…cut the crap will you?! You just want to see her naked body and fuck her right? My inner voice interrupted.

To a certain extend, yes. I answered myself.

Though I was still recovering from the damage served by Mae. But me being me, I proceeded anyway.

Jen’s friends came over to inform her that they were making their way back.

Oh damned, she’s leaving. I thought.

“I’ll make my way back later.” Jen said to them. I believed no one saw my body straightened upon hearing that sentence.

Turning to Nick and Johnson, “Please make sure the girls reach home safely.”

The two guys gave Jen their assurance. Jen and I walked them to the taxi stand and saw them off.

“Are you alright? Because you seem uneasy.” I asked.

“It shows on my face?” Jen said.

“Yup. Is something bothering you?” I asked.

“Frankly, I just felt a little worried. I’ve never been home after midnight.” Jen confessed.

“Where do you stay? I can send you back now.” I said as I looked at my watch. “Or, you want to call home to inform your folks?”

“I think it should be alright. Let’s go back in. I’m thirsty.” Jen said.

We spent the rest of the night playing party games and dancing.

By the end of party, I detached from my clique to send Jen back.

I was walking Jen near to her doorstep when she suddenly turned to face me. “Do you mind about my make up?”

I see what you mean there. Said my delighted mind.

“I love you just the way you are.” Damned. Did I just stole a line from Billy Joel. She looked touched by my words.

I leaned forward to land a peck on her forehead. No retraction from her. I went for a peck on her lips. Seeing that her eyes were still closed when I was done, I leaned forward once more for another kiss…a french kiss. I felt her mouth opened slightly but her tongue did not move forth to contact with mine. I ended it after a brief moment.

Not a kisser. I thought.

“We just french kissed?” Jen asked.

“Huh?…Yes.” I answered, not expecting such a question.

“You, er, don’t know french kiss?” I asked.

“I do. Just that I never did it before.” She answered.

You kidding me? Or you playing mind-game? I thought.

I decided to play along and see what was up her sleeves.

“It’s late. Go have an early night. I’ll page you tomorrow.” I said.


I was still in the cab when my mobile rang. It was Jen.

“Miss me so soon?” I joked.

What I heard was Jen’s sobs.

“What happened?!” I asked, slightly shocked.

“My father…he slapped me…He never laid hands on me before.” She said in between sobs.
I sighed a relief.

“And? Apart from the slap, did he do other things, like beat you up?” I asked.

“No. Just the slap.” She answered.

“I am already in my twenties…and he still treats me like a kid.” She said.

“So, where you now?” I asked.

“In my room, feels like walking out of the house now.” She started crying.

“Hey…hey…cool down first. Listen to me. Don’t do anything rush. You know? I think your dad loves you a lot.” I said.

“Huh? Why do you said so?”

“And I think I should be the one getting the slap.” I said.

“Huh? Why?” Jen asked. Her crying stopped.

“I should have insisted that you follow your friends back when they were leaving. It was so selfish of me.” I said.

“Don’t blame yourself. It was I who decided to stay late.” She countered.

“I imagined that if I am a parent, and presented with the same situation as tonight, I would probably do the same. Won’t you too?” I said.

There was a long silence.

“You’re right. I probably would.”

“I knew you are mature in your thoughts.” I praised.

“I feel better now. Maybe, later in the morning, I’ll apologize to my parents.” Jen said.

“Yes, that’s the right thing to do.” I encouraged.

“So now, go wash up and have an good rest. All is well ya?” I said.

“Yes.” She agreed.

We hung up after wishing each other a good night.

Phew. I blew out a breath of relief. If Jen had ran from her home, I would likely have to accompany her for who knows how long. Not to mention the complications that would likely follow. No, I was not prepared to do that.


While we maintained phone contact, it was only about a week later before we met again for dinner date near her workplace. I was pleasantly surprised when we met. She was wearing a black dress that showed her proportionate body, minus the Gothic make-up. I liked what I saw.

“Wow! you look sooo different. I almost couldn’t recognize you.” I said in awe.

“My boss will die of shock if I go to work looking like that.” She laughed.

At Club Ridley’s, my friends were surprised when they saw a differently attired Jen sitting by my side.

“Didn’t know she is so pretty. I should have made the move the other night.” Mel whispered into my ear.

I responded with a smile. JTB (Just too bad). My mind said.

“I had gotten approval from my parents to stay out late tonight.” Jen said to me.

“Great, I was just thinking about that. Then…let’s party all night long!” I exclaimed.

All of us in A2 howled in unison with our glasses raised and bottoms up.

Throughout the night, Jen stuck by close and connected. We held each others’ hand while we were dancing. When we were seated and chatting, she would rest her hand on my lap.

Jen shared that I was her second boyfriend. The first was with a secondary schoolmate…puppy love. My heartbeat raised almost instantly. Damned! That makes her a virgin!

But on hindsight… My mind started to weigh the odds, despite it was just a simple Go or No Go.

Why so? Because I will be tying the knot in about three month. I was not sure if I could handle the situation in the event of complications. Also taking into considerations the recent damage caused by Mae.

One for the road. I decided.

Temptation Wins.


While I was in my own thoughts brewing my plan, Jen asked “Why did you go quiet suddenly?”

“Nothing.” I said in a low tone.

“Is something bothering you?” She asked, looking concerned.

“Nothing.” I repeated.

“If there is something in your mind, you must let me know, yes?” Jen put both her hands onto mine.

“I…fear suddenly struck me.” I said.

“Why? What happened?!” Her hands shook mine as she asked, worry drew across her face.

“I think I have fallen for you…and I’m scared.” I said.

Jen let out a sigh of relieve. “You scared me. I thought what happened.”

I related to her my experience with Rosa.

“I’m not her.” Jen assured.

I nodded, and showed a look that I was only partially convinced.

Ok, end of Phase One. Let’s watch for changes in her actions. My mind thought.

I felt Jen’s attention towards me took a raise. I was satisfied with the effects.

Now, Phase Two…

I began to embed suggestive words into our conversations to condition her mind for arousal and also…for the eventual, although I was not sure if it would work on a girl who have never had sex before.

“I think I had a little too much tonight. My head starts to hurt.” I said to Jen.

“I need to take a short break.” I continued.

I could see that Jen was still trying to process my previous sentence.

“Shall we leave now?” Jen finally spoke.

“I think we should. But this is the first time that you can stay out late, it would be a waste.” I said.

“And I want to spend more time with you. To hold your hands and also to hug you.” I continued.

“But…” Jen said.

I closed my eyes for a short moment, as if I was deep in my thoughts.

“There is a place where I can rest, and we can still spend time together.” I said, opening my eyes slowly.

“Where?” Jen asked, simultaneously leaned closer to hear my suggestion.

“ANA Hotel. Just beside here.” I said.

“Ok.” Jen said.
In the room, on the queen-sized bed. Although my eyes were closed, my mind was wide awake thinking of how to proceed from there. Too fast or aggressive and I might scared her.

Just take it slow. Remember when Rosa offered herself to you? Try to create similar kind of mood. My mind said.

I opened my eyes slowly. Jen was laying on her side facing me, her eyes looking lovingly at me.

“This is the first time I watch a guy sleep. It is enjoyable.” She said.

I smile and wrapped my hand on her waist to pull her hip closer to mine. We had a long french kiss.

“Someone had been doing her homework.” I teased.

“My colleague taught me.” She said.

We continued another round of tonguing.

Gradually, I increased the rate of my breathing, to tune her mind, to follow suit. The moment I felt her took her first two deep breaths, I palmed her right breast and started squeezing lightly. She did not resist.

Moving my mouth to lick behind her ear lobe proved too intense for her, I shifted towards her neck. I tasted a mixture of her evaporated perspiration and perfume. Her moans tells me that she enjoyed what I was doing to her neck.

I pulled Jen on top of me while I turned to lay on my back, giving her a sense of being in control. But our positions was not as I expected…apart from her whole body, her legs were on top of mine…parallel! straight! I imagined we looked like Barbie on top of Ken.

Was it her inexperience, or was it her dress? I wondered. Ok, just relax. Take it slow. Try till you get it right…inside.

I slide my body up to lean against the headboard and moved Jen onto her knees in front of me, pulling up her dress slightly higher, so her legs could spread against the sides of my straightened legs. Our genitals were only obstructed by three layers our clothes.

“Is the zip from the back?” I asked.

Jen nodded.

My hand navigated towards the back of her neck to search for the slider. Slow on purpose. Seeing no sign of resistance from Jen, I pulled the slider down towards the bottom stop. With both my hands, I pulled the loosened top of the dress and saw what I assessed to be 34B bras.

“Beautiful…just the right size.” I gave her a confidence boost, to serve as an encouragement for her to show me more.

I slide the left bra strap off her shoulder, revealing her left breast. The aurora was dark brown, and I considered it large in proportion to the size of her breast. I was slightly disappointed at what I saw, or rather, disappointed from what I fantasized how a virgin’s nipples should look like.

Did I assess wrongly? Maybe she is no longer a virgin. Who said she was a virgin in the first place? The thoughts went through my mind while I was suckling on her left.
What’s the fucking problem?! Virgin or not, it is still a fuck right?! Now, just concentrate with what you are doing. My mind lectured.

I removed her bras and laid her on her back, her breasts drooped slightly, nipples pointing towards her sides. Jen’s eyes were closed. Despite her stillness, I could see the thumps of her heartbeats. I imagined she must be wet below and I was tempted to head straight there, but decided to play it safe this time round.

Take everything slow…Conditioning is key. I reminded myself.

I cupped both her breasts and maintained a soft squeeze on them, and moved my thumbs around her areola in slow circulars. It always fascinated me to see the nipples puffing slow-mo, along with the change in color tone.

Once I felt Jen suitably gotten used to my touch, I tickled my fingers towards her waist, along the way down, pulled her dress for removal. As if suddenly awoke from sleep, she opened her eyes and her hands grabbed onto mine to stop my attempt. “I’m scared.” She said.

“It’s ok. Your dress is getting crumpled. Let me put it aside.” I assured. *Lame reasoning, I know.

Jen loosen her grip and I removed the dress, leaving her with the last line of defense…a pair of black panties. Plain and unpretentious. No design, no lace.

I laid on Jen’s right and we continued kissing while my right hand fondled, alternating between her right and left breast. I felt her body tremble slightly when my hand tickled her inner thigh but she did not stop me. I then placed my hand on her Mon-pubis making circular movement in a massaged-like manner, to condition her to get used to my touch on that area.

“Spread your legs slightly, they’re blocking my hand.” Jen did as told.

My middle finger instantly landed in between the line created by her labia lips. I felt her legs jerked. Just a slight one, but good enough a feedback for me to start with.
“Relax…enjoy…” I whispered into her ear.

It did not take long before I felt the warm moisture seeping through the thin fabric. The result of my gentle rub.

“Nice?” I asked.

“Yes.” Jen said in a soft tone.

“Then relax and enjoy.” I said, and my hand continued with the work.
Seeing the stimulating effect wearing, “Let me make you feel better. But first, I need to removed these.” I moved her panties down her slender legs. I saw a flash of uneasiness on her facial expression, but I continued anyway.

With the final physical obstacle out of the way, “Spread your legs, slightly more.” I said.

Jen hesitated.

“It will be nicer than just now.” I assured.

Jen spread her legs slowly and I caught a nice view of her wet vagina. Pink. Nice.

Jen flinched slightly when my thumb touched her clitoris but she did not stop me. I started slow and light. Jen’s breathing intensified in relative to the speed of my thumb’s movement. Apart from a soft sound coming from her slightly opened mouth, I could see from her face that her mind was in her own wonderland. I took it as a sign of her getting into climate when her body started to twitch. Maintaining the movement of my thumb, my left hand took her right hand and placed them on her right breasts.

“Squeeze both your breasts.” I asserted. My bid to keep her hands busy, so that they would not stop my thumb from doing the good work. Jen instinctively adhered.

I continued the thumbing and almost immediately, Jen let out a soft sharp pitch, her legs jerked shut and her body started trembling intensively. My thumb stopped moving, and maintained a slight push onto her clitoris. There and then, I watched with satisfaction, absorbing in my view of Jen getting into wave after wave of orgasms. Best thing was, her hands were still squeezing hard on her breasts. I thought she would attempt to push my hand away from her vagina to stop the orgasm. Well, every individual is unique. I thought.

After a brief moment when Jen’s body settled down, “I can see that you enjoyed it a lot.”

Jen nodded. Her cheeks flushed.

“Am I still consider a virgin after just now?” Jen asked innocently.

“What?” I was not expecting such a question.

“Am I still…”

I sealed her lips with mine as I positioned myself on top of her, my right leg pushed her ankles, one at a time to spread her legs.

Jen stopped me. “Will it be very painful?”

“I’ll be gentle. Just relax.” I said.

I knelt myself between her legs, held my erected penis to rub along the gap of her wet vagina in slow vertical strokes. For the first ten strokes or so, her legs would twitch whenever my penis tip came into contact with her clit. It was a nice sight to behold.

“Alright relax…” I said in a soft tone. I inserted slowly.

Jen made a soft sound and I stopped short. “Pain?”

“Yes, but it’s bearable.” She answered.

I inserted further. Jen sucked in air through her clenched teeth, producing a soft hiss. I was not really sure if she felt pain or pleasure.

“You feeling ok?”

Jen nodded.

“Ok. Let me know if the pain is unbearable.” I said.

I continued with the intercourse taking care to regulate my movements.

Jen’s soft hisses turned to moans. I could see the lines between her eyebrows loosened.

Not as tight as I imagined. Said my thoughts.

I halted my movements, “When was your last menses?”

“About five days ago.” Jen replied.

I did a mental Woohoo! before I started pumping, maintaining somewhere about sixty thrusts per minute. It did not take long before I released my load inside her. No fanfare, no fireworks. But satisfied no doubt.

I eased myself to lay beside Jen. “You feel ok?”

“Yes. Not as painful as I expected.” Jen replied.

“Hope you enjoyed it.” I said.

“Not the initial part. But it started to feel nice after awhile.” She said.

“Great. You should feel better the next time.” I said.

Jen raised her eyebrows, followed by a shy smile. “Ok.”

We hugged and kissed.

“You go wash up first. I’ll take a short break.” I said.

“Ok.” She said.

Jen sat herself up to step off when she suddenly let out an “Ooops.”

“Huh?” I opened my eyes.

“I stained the mattress?” She pointed to a wet patch on the bed. My heart was delighted when I saw small strains of blood amid the patch of our body fluids.

“Small issue. Just go wash up.” I said, smiling.

Since then, we were together almost everyday. We would either be partying or checking in. I even brought her to attend Ice’s wedding dinner.

For the two months plus that we were together, Jen was ever obliging to all my requests, she fulfilled many of my fantasies, and her actions were unreserved. Good was an understatement.

But all good things must come to an end…for Jen. With my marriage getting closer, I had to cut ties. With some help, of course.


Jen called my mobile, as expected.

“I am not your only girlfriend?!” Jen questioned me over the line.

“Huh? What you talking about?”I said.

“I was told that you are a multiple-timer.” She continued.

“Well, yes. But who told you that? Ask that person out. I want to know.” I said.

Jen did not respond.

“You know? There are guys who are jealous of me. Sowing distrust between us is an effective way to get at me.” I said, trying to add some anger in my tone.

“It was from someone who knows you well…someone who would not want to see me get hurt.” Jen said.

“Who?! Tell me! Who?!” I raised my voice.

“I’m not going to betray someone who had saved me from you. You go figure it out yourself.” She said.

“Alright then. Since you don’t trust me, I don’t see any value in being together. If this phone call is to make a breakup, let it be. Remember, it is you who left me.” I said.
And I clicked off.

I drew in a long puff from my cigarettes and let my lungs press out the smoke slowly through my mouth.

“What happened bro? You got into trouble?” Ocean asked.

“Happy trouble. Small issue. Let me make a call first.” I said as I stepped out of A2.

The line got through and I heard a familiar voice, “Sis, I just hung up with Jen…Yes, she bought it…Thank you…buy you drinks after you give birth…Ok, bye.” I hung up.

“Who you just called?” Ocean asked, a concerned look on his face.

“Just ended my call with Ice. She help run a mental on Jen.” I answered.

“I see.” He said.

“It’s best for her to end this way.” I said to Ocean. More of trying to convince myself.


Sorry that you had met a very bad me.

Wish you well in life.

– VV Cold

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